I consider there to be three difficult but extremely important things to be able to do in regard to social health: Forgive, say a sincere "sorry" and tell someone else in a loving way that they have a problem. Last month we covered the subject of anger and how to make a sincere apology. In this newsletter we will focus on the first of these three social challenges, namely, forgiveness.

What is forgiveness?There are two types of forgiveness, divine forgiveness and human forgiveness.

What is divine forgiveness?

Divine forgiveness involves God restoring a relationship through payment of our debt and renewal of our minds. It is conditional upon us being sorry and deciding to turn from our wrongs. (1Jn1:9; Is.55:7)

It involves much more than human forgiveness. God has paid an infinite price in order to provide it.

What is human forgiveness?

Human forgiveness is a choice that we make to let go of our desire for compensation when we have been wronged. We may still seek justice for the sake of protecting people or property, but this is not our desire in order to feel satisfied.

Human forgiveness is also a choice that we make to not hold negative feelings towards the one who has wronged us. Such negative feelings include revenge, jealousy, hate, self-pity.

Is human forgiveness conditional?

No, human forgiveness is unconditional.

It is a choice that can be made independently of what the offender may or may not do. (Mk. 11:25; Lk. 23:34).

Do we have to trust someone in order to forgive them?

No, trust and forgiveness are separate things. You can forgive someone without trusting them. In order to trust someone again they must sincerely apologise and, if applicable, provide appropriate restitution.

Example: Sam is staying with his friend James and steals $200 from James’ drawer. James forgives. James locks his drawer because he can no longer trust Sam. James confronts Sam: "Sam, I heard you leave you room last night and go into the kitchen and open the drawer. I feel angry and sad because I believe you stole the $200 from my drawer." Sam sincerely apologises and restores the money. James decides to trust him again and tells him so and unlocks the drawer.

What happens if I don’t forgive?

• I will internalise the associated destructive emotions such as anger, hate, jealousy and self-pity.
• I will become bitter.
• My conscience will bother me and tell me that I am guilty because I should forgive.
• This will cause disease of the mind and/or body.
• I may suffer from delusions (mental strongholds) such as "I’m worth nothing", "The world owes me a living".
• I will be unable to receive divine forgiveness (Mt. 6:15).
  

Reasons why forgiveness is hard for some people to do:

• A lack of understanding of what forgiveness is and is not.
• Blaming someone for their bitterness rather than acknowledging it as being wrong.
• Not experiencing being forgiven by others or by God.
• Not learning to forgive early in life.
  

Some people reach adulthood and have never experienced forgiving anyone. They have never forgiven anyone who has offended them.

They have never forgiven themselves.

What should I do when I have offended and seek forgiveness?

Sincerely apologise to the person or persons that I have hurt. Apologise to God. Provide restitution for any damage done.